Breastfeeding is natural, but that does not mean it comes easily or automatically. For many parents, it takes some experimenting, patience, and support. And that is completely normal.
Earlier this week, I heard a nurse explain to a new mom that breastfeeding is natural, like learning to walk is natural. It takes time and practice, and you may not get it on the first try. Natural, yes. Easy, not always. The honest answer is: it can be beautiful, emotional, awkward, empowering, and sometimes a little confusing all at once.
Here are some of my thoughts about baby’s very first feeding.
1. It Does Not Have to Be Perfect to Be Going Well
There is a lot of pressure around that first latch. Many mothers assume it should just “work” immediately, and if it does not, something must be wrong. In reality, most babies and parents are learning together.
Some important things to remember:
- It is okay if it feels awkward at first.
- There are many different ways babies can latch.
- You are allowed to ask for help.
- You are allowed to take breaks.
- Progress matters more than perfection.
Again, just because something is natural does not mean it is easy. Learning to breastfeed is a skill, not a test you pass or fail.
2. Start With Skin to Skin and a Laid Back Position
One of my favorite ways to begin breastfeeding is simply starting with skin to skin and letting the baby explore the breast before trying to “make” anything happen.
My go to first position is called laid back breastfeeding. I like mothers to recline comfortably in the hospital bed while the baby is placed on their chest, either near one breast or between both breasts. The baby is almost face down into the breast and can often find their own latch with very little guidance.
This approach:
- Uses gravity to help
- Feels less stressful for many moms
- Encourages baby’s natural instincts
- Often leads to a deeper, stronger latch
You can learn more about this style of feeding here:
- La Leche League: https://llli.org/news/biological-nurturing-or-laid-back-breastfeeding/
- KellyMom: https://kellymom.com/ages/newborn/bf-basics/latch-resources/
- My favorite breastfeeding how-to videos: First Droplets Videos
3. The Role of Your Nurse, Partner, and Doula
Some nurses are incredibly up to date and supportive with breastfeeding. Others may still use older, more hands on techniques. It is okay to advocate for yourself.
I often encourage parents to ask their nurse ahead of time:
“How do you usually support breastfeeding during the first feeding?”
If the nurse tends to be very hands on, it is completely appropriate to say:
“I would like to try on my own first and ask for help if I need it.”
Your partner can also play a big role by:
- Offering reassurance and encouragement
- Helping you get comfortable with pillows
- Making sure you have water and snacks
- Reducing pressure and stress in the room
And if you have a doula, she is often a great person to turn to for calm, non-rushed support and guidance during those first moments.
The biggest thing I want you to remember is this: there are many ways to breastfeed, many ways to learn, and lots of support available. You do not have to figure this out alone.
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