One of the questions that I always ask during a prenatal appointment with my clients is, “Who is going to be attending this baby’s birth?” Most often I hear this response, “Just (partner), you (doula), and the medical providers”.  While this is very typical, I occasionally hear the following conversation:

Pregnant Woman: I would really like my mother and sisters to be there. Oh, and maybe my dad too.

Spouse/Partner: REALLY? There’s no way your mother can be there. You know we don’t get along. And your sisters totally stress you out! Plus, your dad will make it uncomfortable for everyone. You’re already having a doula, and me, why do you need so many people?!?!

Then, they both turn to me and ask me what I think is best.

The Pros of Having Multiple Support People

  • Each person is special to the pregnant woman and she wants to include them in one of the greatest experiences of her life. Historically, women have been supporting each other in labor for centuries.
  • Support people will be able to have time to rest and eat, while the pregnant woman is continuously supported.
  • Surrounding the pregnant woman with encouragement and love can really promote labor progress is done correctly.

The Cons of Having Multiple Support People

  • There are many opinions with multiple people, and often times those opinions are different from the other opinions in the room. This makes it hard for the laboring woman to choose what/who to follow.
  • There are many hormones at work in a laboring woman, and having the wrong combination of those hormones can cause labor disruptions. Sometimes having too much visual/noise stimulation in labor can be disruptive to those hormones as well.
  • Often times, the husband/partner/spouse feels like their job as support person is diminished when other people are present. If he was viewing the labor and birth support as a special role, it’s difficult for him to share this with other people and it can lead to resentment.

My Opinion

While this may not be the most popular answer I can give, I answer like this:

Doula: I cannot possibly know what’s right for your family. Here’s what I would definitely encourage you to do though.

  1. Talk it over together. Alone. Just the two of you together. Why do you want your mother there? Why does your partner want it differently?
  2. Are your support people comfortable with this decision? Maybe they aren’t comfortable being in the room for labor and birth. You don’t want anyone there who isn’t completely comfortable with birth, or is someone who brings negative or nervous energy to the laboring woman.
  3. Is there a compromise? Maybe the mother/sister/whoever could come visit for a little bit during labor, but after 7cm and for the birth, it’s just a small support group including dad and doula.
  4. Let support people know that you may decide that during labor you’d like to be left alone. Make sure they know this could happen ahead of time.
  5. Share this tip sheet with any support people that might be there ahead of time. Talk about what’s important to you before the birth so everyone know what to expect. Tips for An Extended Birth Team